the A, B, C's and DDD of motherhood.

So, we have all been there. Put on our clothes one day and walk past a window on the outside of a store and then back up because we think someone has played a cruel joke on us. Was that really myself I just caught a quick glimpse of? There is no way I have that much muffin top and such bad posture. Well, get over it. It is you, and your hunchback.

After having my first child, I was a little depressed at how my body didn't snap back to all of it's pre-baby glory like they seem to in any movie you see. I took comfort in the fact that my milky boobs still looked glorious, both in and out of clothes and I rocked that confidence for a solid 10 months postpartum. Then, almost over night, something awful happened...they deflated. Not just a little like, "sorry you don't have porn star boobs anymore", but  a whole lot, like "time to shop for underwires and padding again."

Like it isn't bad enough having to shop for new shorts, and dresses and even shoes (did anyone ever tell you your feet will permanently get bigger?) after having a kid! I totally forgot about Bras. I had been wearing my super sexy (Not!) nursing bras for so long I forgot how uncomfortable (and expensive!) regular bras were.

 I set out to the only place I knew to buy bras and have someone measure me, Victoria's Dirty Little Secret. I wasn't surprised to learn I was a bigger size than before had conceived my little bundle of fat packing joy. I was still hanging on to about 15lbs of of, ahem, baby weight. A 36C didn't seem unreasonable. So hear I am, with 4 new bras and about $200 poorer.

It's now July, hot as hell and about 140% humidity. There is no hiding the armpit/back fat that the bra makes under my tank top. I want to still wear a hoody to hide all the weird fat rolls, but I would die of a heat stroke. So here I am, wondering why I can't wear a bra and a tank top and not feel like I'm constantly trying to adjust my boobs back in.

Today it hit me.

I think I was lied to.

I think that lady at Victoria's Secret Society of Mannequins doesn't know what the F&$@ she's doing! After wasting 17 hours pinning crap I'll never actually do on Pinterest, I found a pin about bra sizing. I clicked on a few different charts and photos and came across this amazing blog about finding your REAL cup size, which for most of us is way bigger than we wear.

 Just because you get fatter, it doesn't mean only your band size goes up. They are relative to each other. Duh! So guess what? A 36C has about the same cup size as a 34D.

Now if you know me, you know I don't have huge boobs. Somewhere in my teen years, I was lead the believe that "D" cup and above meant huge boobs. That's not the case. Look at these two woman:

 Really? Could it be this simple?

Now I haven't actually bought any new bras. But I did measure myself using the "bend over" and the "Swoop and Scoop"methods and I should definitely be in a larger cup than a C cup. Hmmm... maybe then I won't have to constantly tuck back in my nipples when they are billowing out the top of my C cup! Ugh. Seriously VS, you really have let me down.